Steady Girl, Steady
At the beginning of this year I set aside a bit of time to reflect and readjust myself and my priorities. I l downloaded this Dream Guide by Jennie Allen and set out to think on all the positives and negatives from the past year. Then I prayed about a weakness of mine that I could focus on for the 2015 year.
It didn't take long for the Lord to bring to mind the word - steady.
If you know me well at all, you know that I'm a big planner. I think I have single-handedly amped the sales for Erin Condren planners. I make lists all the live long day. I'm all about routine, schedule and planning as far ahead as I can - often unrealistically far ahead. So it would seem that all this planning would naturally make me a steady personality.
What I have found is that my need to plan, make lists and be prepared for every possible scenario doesn't come from a place of calm assuredness and peace of mind - it comes from a place of fear and anxiety. Over the years I have created in myself a panicked, "what if", anxious person.
So I have committed myself to steadiness.
Unfortunately I can already think of a dozen scenarios over the past few months in which anxiety has won. But in my pursuit of being a steady mother, wife, daughter and friend I have learned a few things.
Steadiness is born out of a consistent, intentional walk with the Lord. Notice I didn't say thriving or passionate, because there are some days when I open my Bible and have no sweet clue how whatever I read is going to apply to my specific situation. Sometimes it doesn't. But I pray for the faith to show up. To sit down and read and apply. I want my children to understand that being a Christian is not simply about behaving like a better, moral person - it's about knowing and understanding God. Through the daily pursuit of Jesus through His Word - I can't help but be changed.
Steadiness requires stillness. Oh how our culture cringes at this word. Stillness. I think when some people read that word they read 'laziness'. Our busy culture has produced a generation of people who neglect the biblical principle of the Sabbath. That one day to read a book, take a few naps, drink some tea on the back porch, be spontaneous with my family, be spontaneous with my friends - it's crucial in my steadiness. The Lord has met with me more intimately and more presently on my own back porch than in most worship services. I can't neglect those quiet opportunities to listen for Him.
Biblical steadiness doesn't look like what I thought it should. I have to admit that when I first started pursuing steadiness, I had an image in my head about how calm, put together and well-rested I would seem to everyone around me. HAH! Were I to pursue the appearance of steadiness, I would continue in my anxiety-ridden, people-pleasing, what-the-heck-do-people-think-of-me life! Biblical steadiness, for me, starts everyday with surrendering my fears and moment by moment asking the Lord to be in control of my life.
So next time you see me, my hair may look like I haven't washed it in 4 days (cause I probably haven't), my nails will probably be chipped, I'll probably be wearing a few band-aids and my child may not look like those perfectly dressed and accessorized children on Instagram.
But it's my prayer that my heart will be surrendered and my mind filled with the promises in Scripture. I believe the Lord can turn anxiety and fear into steadiness and joy - so that's my prayer for myself.